Dear Luv Doc
I went on a date with a guy I met online recently. The date started out pleasantly and ended horribly. We met for dinner, had great food, wine, and an interesting conversation, but it turned ugly at the end of the evening. He insisted on picking me up because he just bought a new car. I agreed, and he drove. When he dropped me off, he asked if he could come in. I told him that I wasn’t ready for that. He got angry and complained about the cost of the meal and the time he had wasted. What is wrong with men?
Oh Carla, where to begin? Let’s start with logistics. Never agree to let someone you meet online pick you up at your house. Not even if he just bought a brand new Prius with neon spinny rims. I’m pretty sure that scenario plays out in the first chapter of American Psycho, but it’s been awhile since I read the book. Sure, you might have some great phone conversations with a nice fellow who sounds sweet as a deacon, but until you actually meet him in the real world, it’s probably best to assume he’s a vampire or a werewolf or, even worse, a member of the Stanford swim team.
It’s big, scary world out there. Protect yourself. What if this guy had arrived at your house in the Access Hollywood tour bus? No way you would let him into your house. That would be like inviting Nosferatu in for blood pudding. My bet is that if the Access Hollywood bus pulled up in front of your house, you would call the police or at the very least grab a garden hose and squirt it with cold water.
Secondly, you should always split the bill on the first date. Forget all the Victorian claptrap you’ve been fed about chivalry, and pony up for your half. This is the Third Millennium, and you are a grown-up. You don’t need to reinforce archaic gender roles to feel like a natural woman. You are not a commodity to be bought off by a moderately priced menu item, so don’t even remotely entertain the idea of some sort of quid pro quo on dinner and drinks. Do it Dutch-style, or don’t do it at all.
Thirdly, don’t ever date this guy again. Yes, he is a man (pending package check), but please don’t lump him in with the rest of humanity. He still has a lot of training to do—ideally not on the Access Hollywood tour bus. Although I wouldn’t recommend it in your case because he knows where you live, guys like this need to be called out at every opportunity. Too bad there isn’t a Yelp-style rating system for dating apps so this guy can get the big, fat zero he deserves. You, however, deserve better, but safety first.